Ahhh, spam. We all know about it, we all hate it, and yet we all seem to keep getting it.
No, I don’t mean the weird “food” SPAM.
I mean of course the unwanted email messages that inundate internet users by the seemingly thousand per day. Though that brings up a good point: is there any other word in the English language with just two definitions, which are so vastly different?
But I digress.
We live in an age now where random “bots” or perhaps even real people leave bogus comments all over your pages, trying to link back to their product or site, and flood your inbox if you are silly enough to publish a full email on your site, or on a “contact” page. If you are a blogger, I’m sure you are quite familiar with spam. I know Dave has started his own series on the funniest spam comment each month!
Usually, we just go in a few times a year and batch delete them. Occasionally a real comment gets mis-filed and we rescue it from the Spam folder (sorry Angela!), but 99% of the time comments filed as Spam are exactly that. And spam blockers are getting better, I very rarely now have a comment marked to “moderate” which is spam and not an actual reader.
MAY 2016 SPAM STATISTICS
Now, with all that said, it can be, dare I say, fun to read through spam comments sometimes. The wording, sentence structure, or references can be downright hilarious, occasionally insulting, and often mystifying. And many fall into more than one category too.
Here is my list of the types of spam I have gotten over the years, feel free to share your take in the comments!
The questionable grammar/spelling posts
These type of comments love to mis-capitalize words, notably leaving “i” as undercase or capitalizing the first letter of a random mid-sentence word. They use very poor grammar and sentence structure. And not in a “I’m not a native speaker but I’m trying to learn” kind of way, in a “I’m a computer program trying to be human” kind of way.
Clearly Unrelated to Content
Then there are the “clearly not at all related to what I’m talking about” posts, where they probably just want you to click their link. The article may be about “How to Save On Your Grocery Bill” and the spam mentions how to find NFL jerseys. Clearly not a thing my readers need, bro.
And then we get into the weird ones, in different languages. I’ve seriously been noticing a LOT of Russian spam comments lately… coincidence?? Just kidding, no politics allowed in my happy place.
Just a Giant List of Links
Oh, and the ones that are just huge lists of links, or keywords. Sometimes they are all related (i.e. cheapibuprofen.net, cheapadvil.net, cheapmotrin.com) and sometimes they don’t make any sense in reference to the post or to each other. The point is they are all hyperlinks, and no guarantee the link will take you where it says it goes.
I’m not interested in clicking and neither are my readers.
Sometimes there is text, trying to get you to Google search a specific phrase. I get these most often referencing paid content, SEO, how to better monetize my site, or how to get more traffic. They usually say something like “Your site is amazing I love it but also you can do better. Just search for “Dominicks super cool SEO tips”.” Thanks for the backhanded compliment, I guess.
Predictive Word Generated
Oh, a fun one I got recently was a ridiculously long novel-like comment. I was almost tempted to publish it, just to triple the word count on the page. The only problem? It was complete gibberish. I don’t think there was an actual complete sentence to be found. It may have been a very juvenile attempt at a predictive word generator for comments? Who knows, but A for effort.
Swing and a Miss
Recently I’ve been getting rashes of comments that seem legitimate, almost. That compliment the content, style, or layout. But they are all comments from the same site/email, and clearly not a real reader. Thus, regardless of whether it is malicious or not, delete.
Or the ones that seems totally legitimate, but then you check out the site, or send an email to the registered email, and it is undeliverable, site is not real or different than advertised, etc. Sorry, delete. At least you said nice things, to make me feel better about wasting my time trying to reply.
The X-Rated Stuff
And of course, there will be plenty of “adult” comments sprinkled in, with totally inappropriate wording, and graphic links directing you towards super shady sites. Insta-perma-delete. Those will not get a photo because they make me a little nauseated, tbh. Thank goodness they are few and far between.