Tag Archives: just got engaged

How to Deflect Wedding Questions

 

Alright, so you just got engaged...

And you’re already exhausted by a deluge of questions.  Why does it seem like every person on the planet needs to know RIGHT NOW what kind of flowers you’ll have, and the flavor of the cake, and which song will be playing at exactly 2:30 on the day of (which you have chosen already right?!?)

If just reading that paragraph made your heart rate double, you’re in a safe place, I understand you.  The feelz bro.

The good news is, there are no rules.

Let me say that again so it sinks in: There Are No Rules.

That’s my life motto, but also the truth.  Society, friends, and family all have ideas about what a wedding “should” be or is “supposed” to include.  But that’s a load of horse pucky (as my grandma would say). The only things a wedding “has to have” is two people in love and ready to be together forever.

Do you have that?  Then everything else is icing on the (figurative, or literal) cake.  Don’t have that?  Then all the Kardashian flower walls and billion dollar backdrops in the world won’t make you happy.

Calgary-wedding-photography-51

So, you’re at a family gathering, holiday, after work happy hour, or another wedding, and the inevitable questions of your own situation arise.  Here’s a few suggestions on how to (politely) tell people to mind their own d**n business.

  • Have a prepared line: especially if you talk with your betrothed before hand, you can present a united front. Plan a phrase or two that can answer just about any question. Things such as:  “we’re taking things slow”, “We are just enjoying being engaged right now”, “we’re considering all our options before making any decisions”, or “we will let people know once we decide on anything” all work well.
  • Answer the questions with a question: when Aunt Rose says “So have you picked a date yet?” you respond with “no, but do you have any suggestions for the best season for a wedding?” or “No, when was yours?” This redirects the spotlight to the question asker and may make them realize their inquiries aren’t welcome. But be cautious, as some people will take this as an opening to blab on forever about their own weddings, so use with caution.
  • Laugh it off: depending on the audience, you can make whatever the question into a joke. When a coworker asks when the date is, you could try something like “Hopefully before I start showing!” or “as soon as we win the lottery”. Delivered in the right tone and with a smile, this lets them know that you aren’t ready to discuss details and to calm it down without being openly rude.
  • Change the subject: You can either come prepared with a few topics to discuss, or go off-the-cuff as the situation arises. Most people love talking about themselves, so if they ask you something you don’t want to answer you can always redirect back to them. “Gee Tom, I hadn’t thought about what to do for the bachelor party yet, what did you do for yours?” or “I know you want grand-kids mom, but I’m not ready to live up to your reputation as a mom yet! Remember that time you…” Getting people talking about themselves or some topic they are interested in frees you from being the center of attention.
  • Be vague but pleasant: When someone inevitably brings up their roommate who is an awesome photographer, or their cousin who is an aspiring florist, you DO NOT want to immediately commit. Things can get awkward if you agree, and it turns out you hate their work, or don’t get along, or find a better deal elsewhere. Try something like: “Email/text me the info and I’ll take a look”, “It sounds lovely, let’s talk later”, or “I’m glad <insert person who did it> enjoyed that, but we are still looking around”.
  • Be cautious and use the sandwich rule: For those who don’t know, the “sandwich rule” is the best way to deliver a criticism, you sandwich it in between two compliments, like so: “compliment, criticism, compliment”. Try something like: “We are so happy you’re interested in being involved in our wedding planning Nana, but we don’t really like orange and purple together. Can you help us out with baking cookies for our reception table though, you are such a great chef!”

5953002_two-cents-whats-the-wedding-invitation_cbe2c3dc_m

Everyone has opinions and questions, but as the classic song “Everybody’s Free” says: “Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it’s worth”.

Oh, and if anyone asks about how much the ring cost? Totally inappropriate, and you can brush it off with something like: “More than ten dollars, but less than a million”. You wouldn’t ask how much someone made last year, or how much is in their 401K right? Just don’t do that.

 

 

How about you, have you gotten any totally inappropriate questions? How do you handle it?

So You Just Got Engaged… Now What?

 

Hey readers, in case you didn’t know, I just got married yesterday!  Yup, that’s right, I’m officially a M-R-S and off the market!  Sorry frugal epicurious dudes.  I’m in Tennessee right now, likely sleeping off a few too many celebratory glasses of wine.

But let’s start at the beginning…

I’ll tell you a story, your typical love story of guy-meets-girl and they become friends. Close friends. Like hang out every day, eat lunch together, celebrate good things, shoulder to cry on, soulmates without realizing it yet friends. Everyone around them knows before they do, that they should be together. And then finally one day, they realize it. You may relate to this.

First date. (Laser tag). First kiss. Long talks. Long walks. Dinner, lunch, breakfast. First road trip. Facebook official (gasp!). First vacation together. Meet the parents. Lots more dates and more trips and moving in together. Move together. Move again. And again. Get some dogs. And move yet again, except this time more than 1200 miles away.

First date: Laser tag
Oh yes, our first date really was laser tag.

Oh wait, that last part is probably just us, because we are crazy people.

Whatever your story is, whether you are high school sweethearts, aging young-at-heart geriatrics, divorcees, blind dates, met online, star crossed lovers, friends who decided to give love a shot, you now find yourself at that point of life of which romance movies, books, and songs are written: you are engaged.

Betrothed. Afianced.

Meaning… you two are going to be married!

The Lion King, Engaged

So your lover has finally “popped the question” and you may or may not have a shiny object on a certain finger that rhymes with “thing”. Which, by the way, if you don’t have a ring because of finances or other reasons, that is totally fine! Don’t buy into society’s hype that it isn’t real or official if there aren’t several hundred dollars adorning your left hand. You two promising your love and planning to set a date to make it official is all that truly matters.

Depending on how public or private your engagement was, you now have a few options. Mostly, you will follow these steps:

Step 1: Decide who you want to know, and in what order

Step 2: Tell those people yourself, in person or on the phone

Step 3: Be prepared… for allllll the questions (oh and showing off that bling, if you have it!)

Step 4: Relax and Enjoy!

Budget Epicurean's engagement ring
Don’t worry, I know exactly how lucky I am. (EXTREMELY). Yes, it’s a family heirloom.

You need to decide how to spread your own news or social media will do it for you.  Take control and tell those who matter the most first (probably mom & dad unless you want it to be held against you for all of time that they heard it from their cousin’s neighbor). Go see them in person, everyone loves a surprise visit with good news, or call them and tell them.  You will probably hear mixed reviews depending on the people’s opinions of this other person, such as “About time!” or “Why did you say yes??” but almost always “Congratulations!” and “So when’s the date?!?”.

Once you have each notified the family and friends most important to you, then you can turn to social media to notify the more peripheral circles of people you know and the world at large. It is best to take several photos of the jewels involved and the two of you and decide together what ones you want to use. Ladies: don’t worry about going out for a manicure, but make sure your nails are at least clean looking. No polish at all looks just fine. Cracked nails with bloody cuticles and dirt underneath, not so fine.

Once you have notified everyone, just sit back and enjoy this time! Being engaged is a thrilling, exciting phase in life. People will try to push you into thinking ahead and immediately getting to the planning, but stand strong if that isn’t something you want right now. I strongly recommend taking at least a few days or weeks to just be together. You will have plenty of time later to plan and think and stress out. Just enjoy each other and this first/next step you are taking on the road of life together.

 

How about you? Are you engaged? Did you take your time or rush right into planning? Tell me all about it below!